Tuesday, August 08, 2006

irony just isn't the same when you're a mom

I'm embarrased to admit that we've lived in this house for nearly eight years and I've never had the carpets cleaned. Yes, I know it's gross...but we live in a two storey that's completely tiled downstairs (kitchen, living room, bathroom, etc.). The only carpet we have is on the stairs and upstairs. Also, we don't wear shoes in the house at all- shoes are taken off immediately upon entering the house so it's not like we wear them upstairs.

Up until Little Man came along, our carpets were in pretty good condition. But once he started eating and drinking in our upstairs family room/loft (where the TV is), the carpets reached yuck status pretty quickly. I kept asking around for carpet cleaning company referrals but no one could give me a good experience with a company. Either they were super expensive (one friend said she paid nearly $500 to have her less than 1200sqft house cleaned), or they weren't reliable, or (insert bad experience here) .

Finally I decided that enough was enough and I went out and bought a Hoover deep cleaner. As soon as I got home, I put Monkey Boy down for his nap and Little Man went into his room for quiet time while I put the cleaner together. An hour or so later, MB woke up- I noticed he felt a little feverish and was really clingy. I figured he must have picked up a virus, but clingy baby or no, I was going to clean me some carpets!

MB hung out quietly in the Ergo backpack as I set to cleaning the hall carpet. An hour later, the carpet was beautiful, fluffy and sweet smelling. As I stood there, surveying the expanse of freshly cleaned carpet with one hand on my new pal Hoover and feeling like a domestic goddess, I felt a strange warmth trickling down my back.


Suddenly I heard retching and an Exorcist-style stream of YUCK came shooting over my left shoulder. Straight onto my fresh, CLEAN CARPET.

Cue desperate, crazy removal of backpack and still-puking baby. Holding Monkey Boy at arm's length, I took him straight into the bathroom where I stripped him naked and put him right into the tub. Then I proceeded to strip to my underwear and give MB a cursory clean up. I threw his clothes and mine into the washing machine and turned it on. Then I ran back out into the hall and attempted to mop up the lovely chocolate colored grossness that was sprayed all over the carpet.

Little Man supervised by standing in the hall holding his nose and telling me over and over that MB "spit up".

The Dearest called while I was watching MB in the tub and simultaneously steam cleaning the carpet again. I begged him to bring home dinner, and since he's a smart man, he did so without asking why I sounded so harried.

The cleaner paid for itself though....I did manage to get all the stains out of the carpet. MB was fine after throwing up (in fact he chowed down on black beans and rice for dinner). And I learned once again that being a mom will teach one the finer points of irony.


Maryellen said...

There is nothing in the world that can mess a nice clean house likea child. My house used to be clean now I just mop the dirt from one spot to another.

kimberly said...

I've given up!
I do love your story and I love the way you wrote it.

Leigh said...

Oh, the grace and the horror of the Ergo... I remember those days. Sometimes it was the only reason I made it through, but then there was the occasional, "what's that running down my back?". I'm glad you survived the over the shoulder barf!

Chelee said...

I felt like I was with you during this ordeal only w/o the smell.

Thank goodness for steam clean machines.

spaazlicious said...

I love our Bissell.

Poor baby!

Megan said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Now it's all cleaned up I'll go with the laugh.